When visiting the main cities and attractions in Italy, one may come across a particular species of gentlemen, let us from this moment refer to him as the 'Umbrella Seller'.
The Umbrella Seller (US for short) may diversify and sell other things aswell as umbrellas, but it is a prerequisite of the job that they must all have a secret stash of umbrellas up their sleeves, or down their trousers, or something, readily available for when the clouds start to look ominous.
Other products available from the Umbrella Seller are, 'Prada' Handbags, genuine Italian silk scarves (only 2€ each!), mini camera tripods, glass cubes featuring the city of your choice, and strange squishy pigs which you throw to the ground so they go splat...(...?).
The US must be very fit, they must always carry their wares so as to best meet their potential customers, no matter how far away they may be. They are often heard muttering, '2 Euro, 1 Euro' under their breath. If the US sets up a stall on the ground, he must place the wares carefully on a sheet, which can be picked up and slung over the shoulder for urgent removal, should the need dictate.
The US must be vigilant at all times. The main predator of the US, is a species commonly referred to as the Policia Municipale. If at any time, the US spots a 'PM' or a PM vehicle in the nearby vicinity, he must quickly pack up his Prada handbags, warn the rest of his US family and scarper, through pedestrians and traffic as fast as his legs will carry him, peering over his shoulder at regular intervals until the potential danger has passed.
One must take extreme care when making eye, or even pavement contact, with the US, and be wary of exchanging your hard earned dollars with his cheap imitation umbrellas. It may be sorely tempting, when you are wet and your legs are turning blue under your jeans, but you must resist....or the PM may well be after you too!
This is a public news announcement brought to you by your dedicated skinnersontour journalist - on the ground, as it happens - Esther Skinner. Thank you, and goodnight.
Love
Est xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment