Driven to Distraction

After resisting the urge in Barcelona, and proudly using the metro and buses to get around as the locals do, in Lisbon, where everything seemed so spread out, we invested once again in a ticket for the Official Open-Topped sightseeing tour bus.

So, for those who you who may not have had the pleasure, let me tell you a little something about tour buses.

You embark the vehicle and pick up your map and lime green headphones full of excitement and anticipation about the delights ahead. You walk up the stairs, carefully, so you don't all fall over each other, when the bus starts to move, before you sit down. The five year old in your group normally has a close call.

Where to sit is the first dilemma. Of course, everyone will want to sit in different places, some near the front, some under the cover, some in the sun, with the better view. Best sit down, quick, as we are moving. Everyone sits down.

Next you unwrap the headphones. Take the plastic packaging off, twist off the twisty thing keeping them together, and, they are tangled. Untangle headphones. Then pull earpieces apart, and place in ears. Then untangle headphones again and plug them in.

Language. We would like English please. Which one is English? Ah, the second one down has a UK flag, so that one is English. Nice lovely Portuguese music. Music stops, it is not English. But I wanted to know what that building was, stress. Argghh, frantically press up button through several languages to find English speaker. But, it is now back to the music again, will have to wait.

'Mum, mine isn't working, I can't hear anything.'

'Let me try it' (unplug headphones and swap for Benny's) no, I can't hear anything, maybe his headphones are broken. 'Can you get me some new ones?'. 'Can we wait Benny, until the bus stops, and I will go down? Listen to one of mine in the meantime.'

'No, I don't want to listen, I just want some extra headphones.'

Oh Benny.

Naomi, 'I can't understand mine.' 'It might be on the wrong language, my one wasn't number two, is yours English?' The commentary has started again, mine is Japanese now, keep pressing the up button.

Naomi, 'I don't know.'

Check Naomi's, it's not English. Change to English (her English is number 5). Music is on again, mine is still Japanese.

Benny, 'I'm cold, can we sit at the front?'

Commentary has started again, press up button, Yes, woohooo, English. Aha, it all makes so much more sense now, hurray, I am soo happy!!!

Naomi 'can I sit with you and Ben?'. I pull out my handphones to let her go by, miss something important about that church/cathedral/theatre on the left. Plug them in again. Music.

I notice then that we have just gone past the same monument that we went past 10 minutes ago... 'Alex, have we gone around in a circle?'.

Benny,' it is cold, can we move to the front?'.

It is a bit cold.

So we all move to the front under the glass, it is a bit warmer here. Alex stays behind in the cold to be the official photographer.

Plug in my headphones. Number 2? That would be hoping wouldn't it. Start the button pressing again.

Bloody Portuguese music. Maybe I will go without the headset, and just enjoy the view.

By the time you get to your destination, you are a bit older, a bit more frazzled, have learned nothing about the city you are visiting, and try as you might, cannot quite remember a time when you weren't on the tour bus.

Benny collects everyone's headphones. 'Cool, can we go on the tour bus again?'

And the problem is that you have paid for a 48 hour ticket, so you have to get on it again, to get home, and tomorrow aswell!

Arrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Love
Est xxx